It’s important to keep your feelings and your self-worth in different places because when your feelings are hurt, it shouldn’t change how you view yourself.

I became very defensive when my mom died and my husband was gone, not for obvious reasons (I mean, those too), but because I felt like people pitied me. I was the girl who lost it all.

At least that’s how I felt I was perceived – Life had hurt my feelings and I let that define who I was. I started to overanalyze how my life looked to other people and what was wrong with me that THIS is my life. I felt like I was walking around with this giant neon sign over my head that read “She’s lost everything!”

I honestly hate that my reaction to these losses’ was to put myself down or take on any burden of blame. I certainly had no control over my mom’s cancer or my husband’s mental health or addictions. But with my mom, I felt like I wasn’t a complete person anymore like I was “lacking” something, and with my husband, I felt like somehow I should have known or done something more/less/different, so I must’ve deserved it. Rationally, I know neither of those things is true, but it’s something that I constantly have to remind myself of – I am not my trauma.

This isn’t the first time I created a narrative about myself and how other people perceived me (it’s actually probably easier to count the time I haven’t done that)! It’s a daily struggle for me to separate what happened to me and how I see myself – I have to remind myself that what happens to me is not what defines me; what other people think of me is not my problem to solve. The ONLY opinion about me that matters is MINE! The ONLY opinion about you that matters is YOURS!

You are not your trauma! We are not what happens to us. Just because we are grieving or feeling broken, that doesn’t mean that we ARE broken.

At the end of the day, WE are who we say we are. And I say I’m damn proud of myself for being as strong, resilient, and fierce as it turns out I am! (And I’m going to keep on saying that until I finally believe it)

My prayer for you is that you give yourself the grace to love yourself just as you are and to not let what other people say or do affect that. We are children of God, created perfectly in his image.

XO Tay